I breathe for my schedule. From the time I wake up, I am ’running’ from one appointment to another, whether personal or work-related. It works so well for me; it lets me be present at all my engagements. If I browse through my past months, it is overwhelming. I am grateful because this ‘busyness’ goes far beyond my gains. Recently, I planned to terminate sessions with my adolescent patient because when we calibrated, we had already met our session goals, but she asked whether we could still see each other once in a while; of course, I said Yes. Then her parents entered the room and said thank you because the sessions did not significantly help my patient but them as parents and as a couple. Not good news, though, but they separated and were able to do co-parenting successfully.
Stories like this keep me going, yes, it helps me grow professionally, but at the same time, it gives me hope. I hope for all the other patients I’m seeing, the time will come. We also have to bid each other goodbye because my time in their lives is already done.
I hope for humanity because I have heard stories from people who were villains in other people's lives but embraced humility and reconciliation. Lastly, hope for me. I am not proud of all the wrong decisions I’ve made; I am not proud of the moments I said hurtful words; I wish I had never said those. I am not proud that I always choose to be quiet when others continue to accuse me.
But in moments like this, when in between sessions, when my patients understand why I asked our sessions to be moved, I remain hopeful I can be better.
If I was part of your inner circle before and we may have lost touch for whatever reasons, please understand our time has been done, but I remain hopeful one day our paths will cross again, and hopefully, it will be better and lasting.
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